Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
