i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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