He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
