You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
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Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.