I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?