so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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