So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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