Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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