So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
