why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
