there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
