I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
