remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
