gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
