Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
