she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
