You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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