We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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