I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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