I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
