Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
