you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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