Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
a search helicopter?!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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