i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
