so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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