I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sext me about skeletons
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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