put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to make a zoo with you.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize