I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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