So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
