i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
