just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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