Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
