after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
