dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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