Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
