Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
