Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
