At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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