you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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