Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He passed out mid-signature
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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