i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
