you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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