I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
