On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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