Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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