For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
