Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
