There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
