He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
