i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
