I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
