someone get that fucking seahorse.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
