We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
