I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
