seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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