Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
