he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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