Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this boner is exhausting
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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