so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
