Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
