all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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