i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
