and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
