Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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