Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.