I think i peed on brittanys purse
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.