mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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