So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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