What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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