Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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