yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He did a backflip because drugs
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