I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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